2025 Week 7/8: Pleasurable, consensual love
You ever watch a movie that doesn’t quite hang together, but you can’t put your finger on why, and then someone mentions how out of place an actor or character was, and you realize, “Oh that’s it. That person was in an entirely different movie from everyone else.”
Finding those performances is always fun, because you get to imagine what led the actor to come into their scenes so far from where the mark was supposed to be.
Sometimes it’s director bullshit, where they deliberately isolate a performer from their co-stars and keep them from visiting the set so the performance is entirely unaffected by the rest of the movie. This is usually because they want the character to clash with the vibe, or feel out of place, because it creates a type of tension or comedy that is hard to replicate if the actors are all hanging out for 40 straight days.
But the best “what movie are you in?” moments aren’t intentional like that. They happen in mid-grade films or TV shows, not shit directed by David Ayer, and they always seem to come from some unknown actor in a one-off scene. Sometimes you can tell the person wanted the Act, so they brought way too much heat, or you can tell they wanted to get cast in “funny person” roles, so they were way too glib with their lines or body language.
But a few… a few of them leave you absolutely baffled as to why a person made those specific choices. You watch them, and digest them, and think about it, and cannot for the life of you figure out what movie they thought they were in. I have my favorite one of those for you this week.
One Weird Thing
For this installment, we find ourselves in 2011’s The Lincoln Lawyer. It’s important to note here that this is Matthew McConaughey BEFORE his triumphant second act, so this movie was firmly in “forgettable, but will air on TNT for the rest of time” territory.
For McConaughey, Mud (the start of the “actor” comeback) and Magic Mike (the start of the “sexy guy” comeback) were still a year away, Dallas Buyer’s Club and Wolf of Wall Street were two years from now, and True Detective and Interstellar were coming in three year’s time.
This was still Fools Gold-era McConaughey, which is why the trailer looks like this:
You get the idea. Also- look how many soon-to-be big deals are in that movie! Michael Pena (always number 1 in my heart, but not a star then)! Bill Macy (known as a That Guy before Shameless, which came out that same year)! Even John Leguizamo was still primarily cashing Ice Age checks at that point.
As the trailer shows, Matty Mac is a slick, morally grey lawyer who ends up taking a high profile murder case in which a kid from a rich family is charged with attempting to murder a prostitute. But maybe this client isn’t what he SSeeEEEeeeEMMMssss. All fine, B-movie stuff. It’s important that you get the tone of the movie from that, though. Because you know who is missing from the trailer? The guy we are talking about.
That guy.
A lot going on with that guy. His hair is a little too long, he clearly needs to dye his roots, he has a neck tat, etc. I don’t love the facial hair choice with the rest of the ensemble, but it’s fine. And it’s 2011, so ok. But clearly there’s a whole visual thing he’s doing.
That guy plays a character named “Talbot,” who the McConaughey calls “Mr. Mustang,” because this guy’s car was seen outside the lady’s apartment before Ryan Phillipe showed up. The idea here is to establish that this guy might have been working with the woman (Regina Campos) to set Phillipe up. This is the one and only time he is in the movie, and he comes in looking like that.
Wait until you hear him speak. (Note: all the clips have specific start and end times, so you don’t have to watch the whole thing over and over)
Why is he doing that? What the fuck is that? He sounds like he’s on a prank call for morning radio. And what the fuck was that smile?
Moving on.
So….. guilty, right? Like, of whatever. Convict that dude of a crime immediately. That went from kinda weird to immediately the most suspicious shit anyone has ever done.
He was called as a witness, mind you, not a suspect. Also what were the instructions for the actor here? “Play this guy like a person too weird to exist in society, but somehow he owns a tie and can find a courtroom on time?”
Also fun exercise: Let’s say you get in an Uber, and this dude is your driver. How long into the drive before you start engineering a way out of the car?
Fuckin’ WHAT?
First of all, don’t wiggle your fingies like that. This is an attempted murder trial. Not the time or place.
Second, he asked if you beat the shit out of this lady, and your response was “CAN YOU REPEAT THE QUESTION”!? Guilty. Of everything. Of all crimes.
So, Shequila Shackles is an objectively funny name for a dominatrix. One of the best things to happen is when a movie written and/or directed by older white dudes requires characters from, and references to, parts of life that those particular white dudes do not know anything about. Sometmes, like with Sean Baker or Martin Scorsese, they hire people from those parts of the country or those lines of work to tell them what does and does not feel real. Sometimes, like in the case of Joe Romano and Brad Furman (writer and director of The Lincoln Lawyer, respectively), you get “Shequila Shackles.”
I would pay at least $100 to watch the brainstorming process for that one. Just Romano walking around his kitchen, trying to come up with something alliterative but too afraid to go to his laptop and start googling.
“Tammy Ties-you-up? No, no. Hmmmmm… Brenda Big Knots? Come on, Joe! You’re better than this! Roberta Restraints? Fuck, I’m close. Better come back to it.”
Also, within the world of the movie, let’s give McConaughey’s character Mickey Haller the gold medal of all-time pivots. When that freak lowers his voice, stares straight at Mickey and breathes “I’m a Missionary Maaannnnnnnn,” ON A WITNESS STAND, DURING AN ATTEMPTED MURDER TRIAL, I feel like any lawyer would be forgiven if they got off balance.
No one in their right mind would have expected those words to come out of that person in that particular way at that moment. But Haller takes a quick beat, decides to push past it, and claps back “with a strong left.” Get the fuck outta here. What a move.
Last bit.
Do… you want to be? It feels like you really want to be. Everything you’ve done, including making a huge point out of the fact you paid for sex and like missionary, means some cop in the gallery has already written your name down in their “If no suspects, pin it on one of these guys” notebook.
It’s a truly insane performance. Of all the ways to play Mr. Mustang, how and why did he choose that one? Although, now that I’m looking at his IMDB picture….
That’s just how he is, I guess.
SEASON POWER RANKINGS
| Team | Rank | Change |
|---|---|---|
| Steve Keers | #1 | ↑1 |
| Kyle Luke | #2 | ↓-1 |
| Justin Childs | #3 | ↑3 |
| Andrew DeWitt | #4 | ↓-1 |
| Micah Thoman | #5 | ↓-1 |
| JJ Bailey | #6 | ↓-1 |
| Will Armistead | #7 | --- |
| Ryan Munson | #8 | --- |
| Andres Santana | #9 | --- |
| Dan Resnick | #10 | --- |
| Jimmy Slater | #11 | --- |
| Lee Morehouse | #12 | --- |
STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE
| Team | Rank | Change |
|---|---|---|
| Ryan Munson | #1 | ↑1 |
| Steve Keers | #2 | ↓-1 |
| JJ Bailey | #3 | --- |
| Andrew DeWitt | #4 | ↑2 |
| Jimmy Slater | #5 | ↑2 |
| Andres Santana | #6 | ↓-2 |
| Micah Thoman | #7 | ↓-2 |
| Lee Morehouse | #8 | ↑3 |
| Will Armistead | #9 | --- |
| Justin Childs | #10 | ↓-2 |
| Dan Resnick | #11 | ↓-1 |
| Kyle Luke | #12 | --- |
PLAYOFF ODDS
| Team | Odds |
|---|---|
| Steve Keers | 97% |
| Kyle Luke | 89% |
| Andrew DeWitt | 88% |
| Justin Childs | 81% |
| Micah Thoman | 76% |
| JJ Bailey | 72% |
| Will Armistead | 54% |
| Andres Santana | 16% |
| Dan Resnick | 13% |
| Ryan Munson | 10% |
| Jimmy Slater | 4% |
| Lee Morehouse | 1% |
THE
GAMES
THE GAMES
Andres Vs. Will (116.2-106)
It’s not often that you are lucky enough to catch an opponent starting Cam Ward, and even less often that that happens to be the same week Bijan Robinson puts up nothing against the league’s worst rush defense. Even less likely is that the opponent in question’s other running back, playing the league’s third-worst rushing defense, also shits the bed.
But that’s what happened for Will this week. Andres got 12.4 from Ward, which is somehow his season high (but still very much 12.4 points from a quarterback), and a combined 11.4 from Robinson and Rachaad White. Going into this week, the Dolphins and Saints were allowing a combined 288.5 yards per game. The Dolphins had not held an opponent under 100 rushing yards, and the Saints had just given up 222 in Week 7. Robinson and White combined for 60 yards on the ground.
And yet.
Somehow, Will’s stallions came up even lamer, combining for an astounding nine points. This was particularly painful since one of those thoroughbreds is Isaiah Pacheco, and Will had to spend all of Monday night begging the Chiefs to do something normal in their running game. These being the Chiefs, they instead gave at least two carries to four different people and ran Mahomes four times. Kareem Hunt got as many red zone carries as Pacheco, despite Pacheco seeing 18 more snaps than Hunt. Things were wrapped up for Will when the refs decided Mahomes got tackled too hard and threw an unnecessary roughness flag, giving the Chiefs a fresh set of downs and 85 yards to burn clock covering.
That iced McLaurin out, and Pacheco closed his game by taking a helmet to the kneecap and fumbling the ball (later ruled not a fumble, but who cares). This was happening while Will was in the midst of a seven-hour hypertensive crisis, since the Dodgers were simultaneously playing the longest game in World Series history. What a fun, chill evening for him.
Judkins was the other back in that dynamic duo, who continued his trend of being bad against good defenses, thanks to the fact Cleveland cannot pass against those teams. Luckily, the Browns don’t play another good defense the rest of the fantasy season, so The Judd will be far more stud and far less chud.
Unfortunately for Will, Judinksy and Associates are on bye this week, which means Pacheco rides again! This time with Travis Etienne by his side! I will bet one American dollar that Will starts both of his TEs and gets at least 10 more combined points from them than he gets from his two running backs.
DEWITT VS. JJ (159-134.4)
Hahahaha, you fools. You clowns. You dippest of shits. You thought I was playing fantasy football this whole time.
In actuality, right under your noses, I was executing my long-running scheme to lay waste to the Rooney empire. Fuck that old bitch and his demands that people slap a “Mr.” in front of his name every time they speak about him. I will take everything he loves.
The Giants and their fans got excited about Malik Nabers, so I saddled them with Russell Wilson first. That was not enough, so I took his Nabers’s knee. But they were surprisingly resilient and found a new avatar for hope in Cam Skattebo. Despite my best efforts to concuss him, he proved too dumb for doctors to notice the symptoms. Clever strategy, that. Get players who don’t normally know what day it is or how to count past one, and no one will ever be able to tell if their brain is jelly or not.
But even Bamm-Bamm Cam can’t out-dumb an ankle, so I turned his shit inside out. That did it. If New York and their supporters don’t lie down and die, I’m gonna trade for Jaxson Dart. Imagine what I could do to that little Pac Sun brand ambassador. Think of how creative I could be. He’s like if “two vodka Red Bulls, bro” was a person. The options are truly endless.
Skattebo’s injury, which should be framed entirely as a victory for me and nothing else, comes on the heels of Darren Waller returning to his safe space on injured reserve, and me wasting a whole week of Justin Herbert because I mistakenly believed in Caleb Williams against the Saints. I had Herbster in my lineup right up until about 3AM Sunday, when my brain decided that was the moment to make critical decisions. I would not have beaten Kyle anyway, but I hate doing the absolute wrong thing at the absolute last minute for no other reason than “because.”
Despite my (totally planned) loss of Skattebo, I still managed to pick myself up by my bootstraps, buckle down, and lose by 24.6. This was made possible by Tucker Kraft, whom I traded to DeWitt for Cam Skattebo, and who ended up getting his season-high of 35 points against me.
Luckily for me, I still have RB cavalry in the form of Trey Benson! Say, Trey, any idea when you’ll be back?
Take your time.
DeWitt is now 10-6, and just survived Christian McCaffrey’s worst game of the season. CMC will almost certainly never be below double-digit points again this year, and DeWitt scored 159 (!) while leaving 18.7 from a TE and 13.1 from an RB on the bench. Of course, nearly 70 of that was from a defense and a tight end, meaning it is not repeatable in any way, but 10 wins is 10 wins. I figure 15 or 16 is the get-in number, which means he needs just three good weeks the rest of the way to go dancing. I do NOT understand how he got here, but here he is.
STEVE VS. LEE (167.6-88.8)
Rashee Rice is super back, which is not helping Lee at all, but does make his trading for him look smart. Rice foreshadowed his return with a wildly overproduced hype video, seen here:
I guess he had a lot of time on his hands to spend on Final Cut, so he put it to use. And the response was sure interesting!
That’s from Newsweek, who apparently got so excited about how fuckin’ rad the return video was that they forgot to look up what he was returning from.
Oh yeah, that. Fuckin WILD to make a masturbatory knockoff Gatorade ad about you overcoming the challenge of…. being suspended for six games because you were found guilty of multiple felonies and had to do jail time. Fuckin WILDER that the world was apparently all for it.
Even Rice’s heroic 21 didn’t put Lee anywhere CLOSE to Steve, who had James Cook III and his 11.4 yards per carry. That number sounds good, but it sounds a whole lot better when you find out he had 19 carries. That’s 216 yards for the Jimmy Chef Trio, topped off by two touchdowns. That alone would be enough, but Josh Allen still exists, and he accounted for three additional touchdowns. Steve got 66.3 points from two players, and 14.9 points from Kyle Pitts, which brings the total to 91.2 points from two players. Tee Higgins caught one pass all day. It was a 44-yard touchdown.
Despite my exhausting ability to scrape together enough points for split-decisions, Steve has pulled away in the division and has truly earned the best record in the league. He has 12 wins, but his point differential going into this week was +10. 989 points for him, 979 against, which is the most. Last time he endured this was 2012, when he scored the most points in the league while also having the most scored against him. He won the title that year, so I guess prepare for that again. For the record, I am second in points against and am having way less fun.
Lee is in a whole bunch of trouble, and while he won’t find any respite this week, he can enjoy that even with 88.8 points, he didn’t have anywhere NEAR the worst day. That’s because:
JUSTIN VS. KYLE (178.3-34.4)
Justin Weekly High Score This Week
Kyle Weekly High Score Last Week
Holy shit, buddy.
Look, Kyle has it pretty great. We have covered this. I am exhaustingly on the record about him needing a little more bad luck in his life. Like, 10-15% more, preferably concentrated in the Fantasy Football column of the spreadsheet. But I meant in general.
Remember when San Diego had that Fourth of July whoopsie and detonated their entire fireworks display, intended to be spread out over an hour, in 15 seconds?
That’s what happened here. I asked for some recurring shipments of bad luck to be sprinkled in over the remainder of our time in fantasy football together, and somebody went and processed the whole order immediately. I won’t even run it down, because it’s too fuckin sad, but here’s some footage of Kyle hanging out with his fantasy lineup:
The result was a 144-point win for Justin, which is the biggest blowout in league history by a significant margin. The next closest is Will’s 118-point win over Jimmy in Week 7 of 2015. Several people have asked, but no- Kyle’s 34.3 was not the lowest score ever. Even without that truly pathetic MNF effort, his 29.5 going into Monday night would only have broken the regular-season record, not the all-time one. Here are the lowest regular-season scores in league history:
Previous Lowest Scoring Matchups
| Rank | Matchup | Date/Week | Score |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Justin Childs vs. Steve Keers | 2015 · Week 1 | 40 |
| #2 | Justin Childs vs. Andres Santana | 2010 · Week 8 | 42 |
| #T-3 | Justin Childs vs. JJ Bailey | 2013 · Week 6 | 43 |
| #T-3 | Jimmy Slater vs. nathangiannini | 2011 · Week 11 | 43 |
| #5 | Lee Morehouse vs. Jimmy Slater | 2011 · Week 3 | 44 |
| #6 | Jimmy Slater vs. Andrew DeWitt | 2016 · Week 4 | 46 |
| #T-7 | Jimmy Slater vs. Andres Santana | 2015 · Week 10 | 47 |
| #T-7 | Kyle Luke vs. Jimmy Slater | 2013 · Week 12 | 47 |
| #T-9 | Micah Thoman vs. Jimmy Slater | 2015 · Week 11 | 49 |
| #T-9 | Ryan Munson vs. Justin Childs | 2012 · Week 11 | 49 |
| #T-9 | Justin Childs vs. Steve Keers | 2011 · Week 11 | 49 |
Kyle’s collapse was big for Justin, as he not only got to cruise to a win and set a record, but he’s no longer responsible for the lowest regular season score. His name is still way too prevalent on the list, however:
Updated Lowest Scoring Matchups
| Rank | Matchup | Date/Week | Score |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kyle Luke vs. Justin Childs | 2015 · Week 1 | 34.3 |
| #2 | Justin Childs vs. Steve Keers | 2015 · Week 1 | 40 |
| #3 | Justin Childs vs. Andres Santana | 2010 · Week 8 | 42 |
| #T-4 | Justin Childs vs. JJ Bailey | 2013 · Week 6 | 43 |
| #T-4 | Jimmy Slater vs. nathangiannini | 2011 · Week 11 | 43 |
| #6 | Lee Morehouse vs. Jimmy Slater | 2011 · Week 3 | 44 |
| #7 | Jimmy Slater vs. Andrew DeWitt | 2016 · Week 4 | 46 |
| #T-8 | Jimmy Slater vs. Andres Santana | 2015 · Week 10 | 47 |
| #T-8 | Kyle Luke vs. Jimmy Slater | 2013 · Week 12 | 47 |
| #T-9 | Micah Thoman vs. Jimmy Slater | 2015 · Week 11 | 49 |
| #T-9 | Ryan Munson vs. Justin Childs | 2012 · Week 11 | 49 |
| #T-9 | Justin Childs vs. Steve Keers | 2011 · Week 11 | 49 |
But even with Kyle’s terrible week, the worst score ever posted in ANY game belongs to:
That is not a typo. Ryan Munson put up 29 points in Round 2 of the playoffs back when Cars 2 was in theaters. It’s important to note that he started a full lineup, and none of those players got hurt or left early.
I know what you’re wondering, and unfortunately, ESPN doesn’t archive individual scores in games that are that far back. I just looked at it enough times before it disappeared that I remember the details. I could, however, find who was on Munson’s roster in Week 13 (Round 2) of that season, and you can preeeeettttttttyyy easily see how he might have gotten 29.
Boy, if that isn’t Remembering Some Guys.
Also important to note: While 29 is the lowest score in any game, only one other playoff game would crack the all-time top 10. Wanna guess who it belongs to?
Dan Vs. Munson (128.3-88.7)
The thing about Jonathan Taylor is that he’s so fucking good he makes even the good players on your team look like shit. I looked at Dan’s total, then at Taylor’s 44.4, and immediately felt like that was the whole reason he won. I completely missed Jordan Love’s 30, Metcalf’s 14, even Smith at 11.4. Never mind that Jordan Addison somehow got 10 points in a game I’m not even sure the Vikings actually played.
That’s how good Taylor is when he pops. The brain just assumes he’s the only reason someone won. Even if he had gotten half of what he did, Dan would have scored 108 points. Given the amount of byes, that would have been a perfectly respectable score this week. But somehow it feels like 128 is cheating, because Jonathan Taylor is the only thing I can remember.
Good Jordan Love showed up this week, and though he got away with a couple “eh, I dunno, he’s down there somewhere” throws, he also completed 20 passes in a row. That’s what it’s like when Good Love has the wheel. Enjoy it while you can, Daniel. Evil Love is always one snap away.
A fun thing I learned about the Packers last week was that they are first in the NFL on third-down conversions, but in the dumbest way possible. They convert 48 percent of their third and longs (7 yards or more), which is the best in the league by miles. But on third and short and third and medium, they’re 24th in conversion rate. THAT is the Packers in a nutshell. When the problem calls for a sledgehammer, they have a solution. When the problem calls for a flyswatter, they have a sledgehammer. As long as Love is playing on “Demo Day,” he’s just fine for fantasy.
Munson left 38 points on his bench, but no one on Earth would have played Ollie Gordon, and only close friends and relatives would have started Shakir. This was the death blow for Munson, but at least it wasn’t his best guys getting narrowly edged out in a MNF game. He may not have been as bad off as Kyle, but he still had to start Tez Johnson and Kenneth Gainwell, so expectations weren’t exactly sky high.
But his baby Bo had another strong week, and has scored 62.7 the last two games. Did he lead the most improbable comeback in modern NFL history in Week 7? Boy, did he ever. Was that required because he was essentially a broken Jugs machine for the first three quarters? Also yes.
Over the first 45 minutes of that game, he completed 11 of 25 passes for 105 yards, taking two sacks and producing -13.4 EPA on dropbacks. That’s how you end up needing 33 points in the 4th quarter to win. But he did it! I cannot take that away from him. Of course, he did get a little help…
Just like you draw it up.
Such is the majesty of Bo Nix. He has the power to become so inaccurate that he becomes accurate again.
But enough of the past! Let’s live in the now!
🤡Bo Nix’s Blunder Bonanza!🤡
Did Bo Nix do some bads?
Not TOO many bads, buddy. But he certainly did some.
Sigh. Bo make sads when he do bads.
I know, buddy. I know. But if it helps, his biggest bad wasn’t a deep ball this week!
Big ball always bad. Small ball better for Bo.
Usually, yeah. But this one is pretty tough to watch. This is a pick on a slant route, which is one of the easier forward passes a quarterback can attempt.
Bo throw bad. Ball go behind bad.
It certainly did. He threw it about five feet behind his WIDE open receiver, for no reason other than he didn’t feel like throwing it correctly. I’m not an NFL quarterback, but I don’t think you’re supposed to be in this stance immediately after throwing the ball:
You can still see the ball in the frame. He JUST released it. That’s not at all how he should be standing.
But Bo win. Bad not that bad.
Bo DID win, buddy! He did. AND he did good on big ball, as you like to say. He went 3-for-5 with two TDs on passes over 20 yards. So that’s really good. But.
But? Why always but?
Because of Bo, bud. Bo always make but. Because Bo is butt.
Hah! Butt!
Hell yeah, man. Butts rule.
Why Butt Bo make but?
Because he still can’t throw under pressure. He completed 43 percent of his passes and had a rating of 70.5. He simply cannot do it.
Bad men bother Bo, make Bo butt.
Exactly, bud. Exactly.
MICAH VS. Jimmy (130.8-109.5)
Micah won thanks to Derrick Henry and Breece Hall simultaneously waking from their comas, and the Bills’ defense getting to drink from the restorative elixir that is Quarterback Andy Dalton. But that’s not what we are here to talk about. We’re here because Micah doesn’t understand how opposites work.
You see, every week, Micah changes his name to the opposite of whoever he’s playing. I’m sure you have noticed this, or perhaps you noticed it when I did the same thing 12 years ago. The results of this latest variation have been a mixed bag. Daniel managed to foil the bit entirely, as his name is abject nonsense, but Micah has persisted undeterred by that defeat.
But this week, he played Jimmy. Since the league’s inception, Jimmy has called his team the Fat Cats. The reason for this is lost to time, though I suspect it had something to do with Jimmy having seen an obese cat at some point in 2010 and deciding he liked the notion of a chubster kitty lounging around the house.
He has never changed the name, and that steadfastness provided arguably the easiest moniker for Micah to do his thing with.
Fat. Cats. Simple. Two total words, an adjective and a noun. This is tailor-made for opposites. What is the opposite of fat? Why, skinny, of course. But what is even MORE opposite of fat? Emaciated. Ok! That works.
So we have found an opposite we like. One word down, one to go. Halfway home. Second word: Cats. Now, what’s the opposite of a cat?
That one is a little trickier. The clearest answer is “dog,” since cats and dogs have always been presented as opposing forces. Tom and Jerry, Odie and Garfield, even Snowball and Santa’s Little Helper. Historically, they do not get along, so “dog” (or in this case, “dogs”) would be a perfectly defensible choice.
Whether or not a dog is actually the true opposite of a cat is a matter of how granular you want to get. Cats and dogs are both mammals, for example, so in that sense, a reptile is further away from a cat than a dog. A cat is alive, so a nightstand is actually even further down the spectrum than a reptile. See what I mean? I guess the furthest you could really get is some form of inorganic matter containing no water or carbon, but by then you are at the opposite of EVERYTHING, and you lose all the specificity that makes it work.
The salient point here is that while “dog” is the choice that feels most correct, there are nearly infinite options to work with. Almost everything can be argued to be the opposite of a cat. The only way you could possibly pick incorrectly is if you chose something that is ALSO a cat.
Micah went with “Panthers.”
That’s inconfuckingceivable.
In a literal UNIVERSE of options, he chose something from the 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 percent of things that did not qualify.
He should have to go to jail for like 72 hours. He should have to stand outside in the rain and be shown flashcards with pictures on them and be forced to say if things are “cat” or “not cat” until he collapses. It’s important he knows there are many other things that are not cats. He should not be allowed to spend any time with his own cat until he can demonstrate an understanding that cats are a specific thing and he hasn’t just been petting a bowl of spaghetti all these years.
And Micah, if you are saying to yourself, “ugh I know that my cat is not a bowl of spaghetti,” then that just makes me angrier. You could have chosen spaghetti. “Emaciated Spaghetti” would have been technically correct. That’s how easy the assignment was.
